What Not to Wear

We're heading up to Vermont this weekend to attend the wedding of my best childhood friend. This wedding is going to be gorgeous, no doubt - outside? In October? In Vermont? We're basically hitting the fall jackpot with that combination. HOWEVER. October in Vermont is anything but warm. In the words/diagrams of weather.com...

That's right. Average temperature of 49 degrees at 3pm. Personally, I'm not a huge fan of freezing, so I turned to Pinterest to give me some suggestions of what to wear to an outdoor wedding. In fact, to account for the fact that it will be really cold, I searched for "winter wedding guest outfit" to cover all my bases.

I've decided that the Internet does not understand cold weather. Let me provide a few illustrations.

This outfit was the only one that came even remotely close to being warm enough:

She's wearing tights! She has sleeves! But let me just make a suggestion to this poor model here: if you're wearing heels that tall IN THE SNOW, you have a death wish. I know this from experience - I have tried wearing 4-inch heels to walk across the Boston Common in December, and despite the pavement being salted, it was terrifying. Verdict: while there will be no snow, we will be in a field, so it's a no-go. Plus...it's a liiiiiittle to sparkly/short for this occasion!

Option 2!

Points for trying. There's a scarf and she is wearing a sweater jacket...thing. But negative points for bare legs + strappy sandals. Not to mention the GREEN LEAVES above her head. Ok, ok, that's not part of the outfit, but could they have at least pretended it was not summer? Verdict: way not warm enough for winter weather.

Option 3:

Is this a serious suggestion? I get that it's navy - a more fallish color - but honestly...there is not one thing here that would keep you warm. Clearly, the pinner who found this one lives in a place where "fall" = 80+ degrees. Also, I don't know about you, but I didn't realize that the Keep Calm poster rage spilled into apparel. Whatever floats your boat, I guess.

Which brings me to the last, most ludicrous suggestion of all. It came from an article called "15 Outfits to Wear to a Winter Wedding."

I think all I can do is laugh here. First of all...just no. Literally nothing about this outfit is winter appropriate except for the fact that it's long. But more importantly, that type of V-neck? ::insert flabbergasted emoji here:: Not even close to appropriate, and isn't your outfit at a wedding supposed to avoid taking attention from the bride? Admittedly, I can confidently say that I personally wouldn't given body proportions, BUT STILL. 

So thanks for nothing but entertainment, Pinterest. I'll stick to starting at my current closet, wishing there was a fashionable way to combine a cute dress and a parka.

(P.S. Parka or not, this will no doubt be one of the most stunning weddings I will ever attend!)